I'm off to Invercargill - The Best City in the Southern Most Part of South Island (apart from any that I've missed)

Baby seal eyeing me up

I booked myself a couple of days in Dunedin because I had heard that it was a nice place. The weather put a bit of a downer on things. Day 1 It was cold and windy but I decided that I wanted to go look at some animals, the couple the previous night had raved about it. The place was basically a farm that used their land to look at animals, if you pay extra you can watch them shear a sheep, probably not worth the $20. It was good fun, we used an off-road vehicle to travel off the road to locations that you can’t walk to. But we got up close to some seals, as in about 2 feet away from them. Fun fact about seals: they are not scared of humans, they roll over and look at you and then go back to sleep. It might be because they can kill us, who knows. Then we bounced along another rough path to see some penguins, some Yellow-Eyed Penguins, don’t let that suck you in, they have yellow eyelashes. But I did get a photo of a mother in a hole with its baby. On the way to this point you walk down a covered walkway and on the way back up you stop by a cubby hole in the wall and inside there is a baby Blue Penguin and it just chilled and smiled. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take photos, you will just have to imagine a smiling penguin. As the lucky last person in the line the guy showed me another cubby hole, so technically I got 2 for 1. Better than Tesco on Black Friday that deal.

If you look closely there is a Yellow Eyed Penguin there

Not an albatross

Only a bloody Royal Albatross

I had a nice sit on sofas in the cafe because it was warm and watched a storm roll on by. It was the most comfortable I had been in a while, Sinbad for all the great things doesn’t have a sofa. Next purchase right there! Once I got bored, I drove back down the hill to the Royal Albatross Centre. It sounds very impressive but it’s actually because the bird is called the Royal Albatross. I’m sure if I had paid all the money in the world to walk up and take a photo I would now remember why they are called Royal. I can’t even be bothered to googlify it and pretend. It’s a big ass bird that this place is the only mainland spot you can see them. After refusing to pay to go on a walk I sat outside and was insistent that I wasn’t going until I had a photo of an Albatross. It was bloody windy so I got a little cold, thanking the purchase of a wind-proof jacket for keeping me only cold rather than freezing. And just before I was about to give up hope, out popped Alby, only bloody named the bird. He flew around for about 20 mins so got lots of snaps, it’s a big white bird. Thank you Alby! I had a little drive round Dunedin and didn’t find a lot of interest but did find a surf beach, due to the strong ass wind it was entertaining to watch but no-one had the nuts to get in the sea. It was a nice place to eat my din dins though, a seagull came to join in the fun. 

Windy evening in Dunedin

Arriba 

The next day the weather was still shitty, worse even so I decided to cut my losses and move on but wait… I decided to make a detour first. This detour was to the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame, I was excited to see all the badasses of Kiwi sport in a museum. No, I went upstairs in a train station and there was 2 rooms. By this you can probably assume that there aren’t many people in the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame. In all fairness I didn’t know who most of them were other than the rugby lot. It was an interesting way to spend half an hour. Followed by a hearty breakfast of churros I was on my way to Invercargill, the city that never wakes!

A journey through rain is never fun so I decided to make it a little more exciting and take the Southern Scenic Route, upon reflection there is a website and everything so if you ever get bored and need something to do… To make this even more exciting I decided that I was going to go off the beaten track, now that literally means off the beaten track. It was my first experience of a “rough road”. It’s like a sketch of the Mona Lisa, a bit half assed but you can tell what it is. I drove into a forest and was a little worried that Sinners was going to let me down in the middle of nowhere (in 90 minutes on this road I did no encounter another human), he didn’t. Go Sinbad!!

Not the beaten track

After this mini adventure I thought I could handle a bit more so went to popped down to visit a beach, it was raining so I left. Then the weather started to clear up and some waterfalls appeared on the helpful brown signs so thought I might as well. After all the rain that we had they were a lot less pretty and graceful waterfalls and more a raging torrent trying to fight over a cliff. Very impressive none-the-less with some pretty walkways through the trees. One of the waterfalls was so strong that even 10 metres away the camera was getting soaked through.

Raging torrent waterfall

Pretty and delicate waterfall

After this I ignored some signs so that I could plough on through to Invercargill, the excitement getting to me. After stopping in a small town called Fortrose to grab a beverage I tried to draw the owner of the only shop in 100km into a bit of a chat. I will go as far to say he is the least friendly person I’ve met, maybe even in the whole of New Zealand! But we will find out! After this small

Long and straight
(not terms used about me) 

town I found what felt like the longest road in the world, it was straight for about 10km then a bend then straight for another 5km, then a bend… you get the idea. AND this is part of the Southern Scenic Route. Then when I got to Invers, already chummy, I accidentally drove through the city centre and out the other side because I was expecting something a little more impressive. Upon finding my campsite I asked where was good to go on a Saturday night, expecting a list to choose from, I was given 2 bar/restaurants. It’s ok, I was still holding out hope that the southernmost city in NZ was going to come through for me. Whilst having my tea I watched Coronation Street with some Frenchies, it felt like watching Neighbours at home and I don’t do that, #rebel! Invers was shaping up nicely!

The Waipapa Point Lighthouse

Bottom of the world selfie

The next morning I wanted to visit the southern tip of the South Island and found that it was actually one of the brown signs I had ignored the day before. I weighed it up and thought, why not. As soon as I got onto the long stretch of straight roads I regretted my decision, I ignored the unfriendly man in Fortrose and powered through. I got to slope point, it just looks like a rocky cliff but I was there, took a selfie and left. One-upped the parents though as they weren’t allowed down, take that mum and dad! On my way back I stopped by (hour detour) Waipapa Point Lighthouse and got up close and personal with a Sea Lion, they big!

The sneer of derision

Now this is where shit got real, I arrived back into Invers at 1.45pm and the city was overflowing with people, cars everywhere and roads were closed off. It’s like they heard I was coming and had arranged for everyone in a 50km radius to come celebrate, COME ON INVERCARGILL!!!! After the initial excitement that everyone was waiting for me I did ask a nice friendly (not from Fortrose) man what was going on, acting cool and ready to be surprised it was for me. Unfortunately some guy was upstaging me, called Santa, what a dick! They were having a parade in his honour. In all fairness, I’m glad I stopped and watched, it was bloody impressive. I’m sure everyone in town was involved. It put a big smile on my face.

The guy that stole my thunder

Rocking the driving there boss

Shout out to Dave

I then left and made my way to Queenstown, it was a road through mountains with pretty views, yada yada, the usual stuff. Oh wait, apart from there were lakes! I was looking forward to a place that had people and stuff to do that didn’t involve going: “that’s a pretty view/animal/mountain”.

Woodie’s Wisdom: Firstly, don’t eat garlic and fish in the same meal, it’s disgusting. Secondly, don’t try and get close to a Sea Lion with disgusting breath, they get offended and breath on you and their breath is worse. Use this wisdom as you see fit.

Flying in unison

Out of Christchurch and into the Great Beyond

So the ball ache of getting a car is finally over, Sinbad and I are out of Christchurch. I appreciate the help that I got from Richard and Gary at the Backpackers Car Market, they were honestly the most helpful people. I feel like I’m part of the crew now, I met the families and everything!

Gary, myself and Richard (and Sinbad)

My first night in Sinbad

It took me another 2 days to get the car finally sorted, it got booked in for some work which couldn’t be completed straight away. Another day at the Backpackers Car Market, I’m pretty sure they thought I was there to chat, was productive because I got some cheap sushi and made some friends. The sellers accepted my offer so I was able to spend my first night in Sinbad, albeit behind the garage, so I didn’t have to pay for more hostel time. As you can tell from the photo, Sinbad and I are going to get close over the next few months. Lucky Sinbad!

As part of my waiting time I was able to drive to Akaroa, the only French settlement in New Zealand. It’s very pretty and does fish and chips. The drive is over and around some lovely scenery. I did it in my rental car but it did feel like I was nearly free. In the evening I met up with a friend I had met (note to mum: she was called Larissa, from Australia and a friend girl), we went to a really nice tapas bar and we wanted to sit outside but it was bloody windy so compromised and sat by a fire!!!!! We chatted about how shitty Christchurch is if you are on your own and I heard the best relationship ending story that I’ve ever heard, the kind of story that Jezza Kyle makes his living. Unfortunately I won’t be sharing it with you so speculate all you like, I promise you it’s worse. Unless Jamie is speculating and then it’s not that bad.

The next morning the car was fixed up and all mine, it was time to rock and roll. I have never driven with such determination, I refused to stop to get any necessities until I was well and truly clear of bloody Christchurch. I am cleansing myself of the negativity tonight and will be all positive tomorrow. I do know regret this having had to wait to get to a town that serves food at the time I’m driving through

After I was free and clear and wasn’t going to get sucked back in to the black hole I started getting scenic. In New Zealand they have brown signs for anything of cultural interest as well as scenic routes. My plan was to do them all, after stopping at 3 lumps of stone I decided that maybe I should only stop at the ones that look interesting. 

A monument rock

A rock next to an old house

I even saw one crossing but
a German man shooed it away

I ended up driving to a place called Oamaru because I saw a sign that said penguins and who can turn down a penguin. When I arrived at the penguin hut it was about 8pm so I assumed that I had missed the viewings so thought about staying the night to see them the next day. However the nice lady said the best time to see them was the evening and they have a special show. So I signed up for that, got myself booked into a campsite and then popped back. Unfortunately you weren’t allowed to take any photos so you just have to believe me when I say that they were cute. I made friends with a family from near Bath and we supported the plucky underdog or should I say underpenguin. There was a little chap who we aptly named “Hop-along” because he only had one leg, it took him about 20 times as long to climb up the rocks but we supported him all the way. For the animal lovers among you they were Blue Penguins.

My morning view in Oamaru (it rhymes)

The penguin colony people said to check under your car before you leave because penguins think they are safe. At first I thought they were pulling my little stubby leg but on arriving back to the campsite, there were 3 penguins wandering around. And my little chums, I do have a photo (kind of) of that one. 

It's only a bloody penguin, apologies for the quality but it was pitch dark (thank you camera)

As my first official night in Sinbad I took the required snap of the car in his resting place but it doesn’t quite have the gravitas I was hoping for. I opened my sunroof and looked at the stars, it was such a relief after what had started to become a tedious time in Chch (when I read it I do just say chch).

Sinbad in his first spot, he hasn't broken down yet

Woodie's Wisdom: check out my Instagram to get the latest and vaguely up to date photos of my excitement (can someone explain this to mum). My handle is aptly named, woodieswidsom, enjoy!

Interesting Chch statue

Christchurch - The Most Unusual of Cities (Part 2)

So at the end of the last post I had just had a busy few days with some lovely young ladies. That wasn't exactly a precursor of what was to come, more like a high before the low.

Christchurch is a lovely place, it's just not the place you want to end up in for 10 days on your own. I have really been trying to drag out the last few days.

Skating Kiwi style

The next morning I woke up to rain and wind so decided to do a few menial tasks, bank account was set up, some food bought. Then came my first cinema trip in New Zealand, I'd forgotten how expensive it was to go to the cinema! After taking out a mortgage I saw Interstellar which was pretty stellar until the 5th dimension, then it went to far, literally, or figuratively depending on where the 5th dimension is.... I have now confused myself. I then went to a skatepark and made friends with some of the local youths. I have just impressed myself with how boring that sounds, don't worry, it was worse to live it. 

The next day I went to find a car to buy, fortunately I was able to find the car/van/mobile home of my dreams, mainly because it is called Sinbad. Unfortunately however, the next day was a public holiday followed by the weekend so I wasn't able to get a Warrant of Fitness until Monday at the earliest. So another weekend in Christchurch for me.

rush hour in New Zealand

With this in mind I booked an adventure, a whale watching tour in Kaikoura! They didn't lie, we saw 1 whale and not a lot of it at that. One thing I learned about Sperm Whales is that they only show about 5% of their body above water, not the most exciting for spotting. Fortunately there were many other things that I saw, like a shag and some tits. They were little birds, when the photos go up someone can tell me what they really were. I also saw my first albatross, not as exciting as seeing my first whale though. My favourite part was when I wandered onto a beach covered in seals! Including a baby seal in a tree, it looked like a leopard chilling.

It's a whale, promise

A seal in a tree, why not!

There were some awesome views, a few of which are below, feel free to go ooo and aaaaah.

ooooooo

aaaaaahhh

artyyyyyyyy

I met the Big Bang Theory cast. Listened to a guy have a conversation, trying to work out what it's about, someone bought something online without permission and now regrets it. His friend found out that his child wasn't his after 18 years, just taking his money. The things you learn listening to a phone conversation. He is divorced, on the phone to new girlfriend. Brought children on holiday. They brought their own money, the mum didn't give them any. Going on a trip and the kids won't appreciate the views. He's also mean to sheep, hooting at them in the car to make them run away. He's Australian and is doing a long distance relationship.

A traditional Greek dish in NZ,
shout out to Sivota!

On one of my adventures to the RE:Start Mall I was having lunch with a mother and daughter, feeding the little birdies as you do. The people reading this that want a bit more smut are going to be disappointed because it’s nothing exciting. A lady was walking along and didn’t even break stride but stooped down to pick up a hair tie and pocketed it then carried on walking. We all looked at each other in amazement! Who does that?

Looking down on Christchurch

On what I hoped was my last full day in 
Christchurch I met up with a friend from camp, Abbie. She grew up in Chch (down with the local lingo because it’s a bugger to keep writing out. She took me on a tour and I got to see all the things that I would never have found. We had lunch on a beach, went up a hill and visited Taylor’s Mistake, a place when an Englishman made an error in mapping. I believe this to be a Maori myth because Englishmen do not make mistakes! It was awesome catching up with her and the gossip from the last 5 years. Basically what we learnt is that we are getting old! After the excitement of the day I popped along to a special windsurf beach, for those that have been it is a better version of Poole Harbour. There were a lot of kitesurfers out so snapped some snaps.

A memorial in Chch

This is kitesurfing btw

The next morning I was really excited about grabbing Sinbad and getting on our way. Unfortunately not only was the car in need of some work but the current owners hadn’t accepted my offer. So I spent a day in the Backpackers Car Market, it was very pleasant and met lots of people. If you ever have a day to kill that’s the place to go, lovely people and entertainment in the bucket load. I had to extend my hostel and my car but ended up sharing a room for the first time. It is like an episode of Faulty Towers! Two French guys called Jeff and Charlie, obviously, a quiet and efficient German, let’s call him Hans. A Kiwi called Marv who got kicked out of his house in Auckland and moved down to stay with his friend in Chch who then also got kicked out so is now staying in a hostel and trying to find a job. The last guy showed up at 11pm in fishing gear so god only knows.

Tomorrow I’m going back to the Car Market with my fingers and toes crossed that I have a car, I really hope that I get out of this place and that there isn't a Christchurch part 3. Then my stories can get more exciting.

Wisdom: Don’t stay in Christchurch for longer than a couple of days, that’s all.

New Zealand road sign

Christchurch - The Most Unusual of Cities (Part 1)

In a world where the city centre is the hub of activity and commerce, Christchurch differs immensely. After the earthquakes 4 years ago the city centre has been pretty much off limits. Everything you now expect is a city is blossoming in the suburbs; malls, cafes, restaurants. It is something that has blown my mind. 

It used to be a Library

The first night here I walked into my hostel and started talking to some guys, who just so happened to be from Somerset, just down the road from home. Obviously I joined them for an afternoon of drinking/eating/watching rugby.

Day 2 was probably one of the most nervous days of my life, wasn’t a fan. So I popped out to check out the centre, enjoyed the RE:Start Mall, a shopping centre made entirely from shipping containers. It would appear this is where everyone in the city ended up, watching an affable young man attempt to be a street entertainer. He had some sick skills but there was a little too much talking, so much that I had to leave half way through to get some food. Met a guy from Sydney, chatted the afternoon away then had a wander round Hagley Park. It is a beautiful park, with an exceptional rose garden and a pretty little river with punts and paddle boats on it. Took some pictures of more trees.

In the evening I got the message I had been waiting for and was rudely summoned to act as a chauffeur the next day to go wine tasting, if you can call it that. I collected the 3 lovely ladies (Laura, Lou and Al), they were late so no surprise there, and we drove up a hill and I had my first experience of roads in NZ not exactly being roads, a bridle path stood in the way. We can blame all map reading issues on Laura. She may be the most perfect girl in the world, but damn she can’t read a map! We then went on an adventure to find a vineyard near Akaroa. After using a bar for it's toilet and directions, we snuck out and headed to the right place, called Barry's Bay (what a name). It would appear it's perfectly normal over here to leave your place of work with no one inside, in retrospect we should have had all the wine we could drink and then rang the bell. Janet arrived and it would appear English isn't her first language but she persevered to tell us the history of pretty much everywhere around the vineyard and nothing about the vineyard itself or the wine. So, 4 small glasses of wine, the tiniest pieces of cheese, a game of boules and a lot of major LOLs at Janet later we left French Farm to continue on. We did get to see the second oldest building in New Zealand, made by the French. We then failed to visit 3 more vineyards but did find some lovely wedding venues. The evening was complete watching the sun set over Christchurch eating some BBQ salmon with Tom and Pip.

Sunset over Christchurch

JANET!!!!

The next day was the New Zealand Cup, horse racing that is. Well not exactly horse racing, but horse and cart when the horse can't gallop, only trot. The horse equivalent of the walking at the Olympics; I'm sure it's hard to do but doesn't seem as challenging as beating Usain Bolt. It looked very uncomfortable. Pretty much the entire of the Christchurch teenage population was there trying their hardest to binge drink like the Brits. They ended up stumbling around in their finery and heels. We were lucky enough to glimpse a few slips and stumbles but one girl made our day. She had a little too much to drink, met a nice guy and shared her lipstick with him. It was everywhere, on his nose and all over her face. A nice stranger actually sat down next to her and used a make-up wipe to clean her. Welcome to Christchurch! 

Chariot racing

Making her look less drunk

Better than looking in a mirror

After waving goodbye to my first New Zealand friends I found a nice spot to have a pizza, the sunset slightly different to the night before.

48 Hours in Sydney

Good evening, this post is a little late in actually getting up. I have been getting distracted by things that are way better than writing a blog.

Sydney was short and sweet, I had booked a hotel next to the airport so I could be up out and early to fly to NZ. My first day was ruined by my attempt at a nap. I landed at 7am after 21 hours on a plane and 3 hours in Singapore. I was doing ok and wasn't actually that tired but thought as it was so early that a nap would be a good idea, noooooo. Probably one of the stupidest things I have done. Actually, not as stupid as setting the wrong time on my alarm, so instead of waking up at midday I woke up at 4pm, cue the jet lag issues of the last few days.

After that, I had a soak in the Jacuze and then had room service, watched a film and then went to bed, kind of. I slept from 10pm til 1am then was awake until 6am, then slept until 11. I don't know what that was, but my body was all over the shop.

Then the fun stuff happened, I decided to investigate the city. It reminds me of New York, smart streets and well maintained, just with a better view from the water. I had some lunch with a lovely old couple called Michael and Sylvia who had emigrated from Burnley 18 years ago and it was the best decision they had made. Their kids had grown up there and they think it has made them better people than living in the small town. One fun fact: the Burnley accent doesn't reduce over time, they could have left yesterday, apart from they were really happy with their lives, ha.

After that I went and acted like a tourist, taking photos in front of the Harbour Bridge and Opera House, very impressive design and construction but not as imposing as I was led to believe. The Royal Botanic Gardens however were amazing, the trees were like trees at home, just completely different, you have to look at them closely.

Me in front of the Harbour Bridge

Me in front of the Opera House

Using what seems like the only public wifi spot in the city (Mcdonalds), I arranged a drink with Tash from Bristol. It was nice to see a friendly face, catch up and start my sunburn. Then I had to rush off to get back to my hotel so I could welcome Jess and Bex. Now that was fun, some naked photos covered in money, making it rain in a tutu. Room service, sneaky 3-way, and Jess complaining of the terrible nasty that Minnie done.

This really happened! #lad

The highlight of Sydney was in the airport the next morning, for half an hour we watched people try and use a lift. We were in stitches. Our favourite was parents putting a child into the lift and then not being able to get the trolley in so the kid went down on his own and 5 minutes later came back up with a member of staff. Improved only by the fact that 20 mins later they came back up and missed the floor. Thank you Syndey, off to Christchurch!

Woodies Wisdom: When looking after your child in an airport, don't leave them in a lift!

Bye Bye Bristol

It was loud. It was crazy. It was awesome.

What a last night in Bristol. A Halloween themed party. In my mind this meant Slutty Nurse so that's exactly what I went for. This encouraged a trend that the guys dressed up as attractive young ladies.

What a group of sexy ladies/men/men dressed as men dressed as ladies

It was a really fun night, lots of punch drunk and silly string sprayed. Nearly everyone showed up in fancy dress. For those that didn't, they had to delve into my dress up box, a strong selection of sexy outfits in there.

Everyone showed up to play hockey the next day and it would appear the punch hangover made everyone play better, so more punch pong next week? After that, it was back to the flat to pack and watch the football. Then it was time to leave, I will apologise to Dan (the flatmate that was left) because we didn't do any tidying up of decorations, so that will be a bit of fun for him...

The morning after

It was a drive of mixed emotions, I finally started to feel excited about going away but also going to miss all the Bristol chums. It's ok though, I will be back before you can say hubbaglypthalepticbollygraphy.

Now all I need to do is a bag of washing and ironing, get my haircut, repack, maybe pick up some shoes, style my mo and get to an airport, EASY!!

Wisdom: Punch always has wayyyy more alcohol in than you think...