Queenstown - Dream Town

Firstly I want to apologize to my avid fans for the delay in updating my blog, I have been having lots of fun. The good news is that you get to read about it, probably when I get back to the UK, ha. Enjoy.

I arrived in civilization and it was amazing! My first stop was to the backpackers where I was told I could park. Unfortunately they didn’t have any space, retrospectively that was a good thing because they charged a fortune, when you live in your own house $5 here and there is important, remember that. I eventually found a very nice campsite and set up home, made friends with the girl behind the desk, let’s call her Hayley from Burnley. 

This is Queenstown, pretty pretty

Then I made my way into town, I can’t really explain the feeling of arriving here. Given that I had come from Invercargill and other places where people were the exception. Having people around doing stuff was fantastic and I immediately felt at home. Being traditionally English I saw a sign that said “pub” and I was caught. I went in and made my first friend in Queenstown, the barman, also from England. There was a trend emerging, there aren’t actually that many people from New Zealand that live in Queenstown, lots of foreigners working and traveling. At The Pub I walked outside on a beautiful afternoon, sat down next to a group of 3 who were eating what can only be described as poo. Fortunately it didn’t taste like it and they were very friendly. After politely asking if they wanted to be my friends they said yes, who wouldn’t! We had some beers and then went to the movies to watch The Hunger Games. It was a good first day.

A sign from my breakfast spot

The next day was what have started to referring to as “American Football Day”, most people call it Monday. I started out with a visit to Hayley to book some activities. I decided to start small and booked some white water rafting for Tuesday. I spent about 7 hours in a bar called Malbas watching the games, it was an awesome day and made friends with the people who were coming for job interviews. Obviously I looked like a secret owner who wanted to get to know the staff. I also had some of the best wings I have had, unfortunately they didn’t have BBQ sauce, who does that?!

My attempt at a pre-rafting selfie

A paddle high five

Tuesday morning I had a wander around a bit of Queenstown village before I got picked up for rafting. It’s a very pretty tourist town, there are so few Kiwis around. So many British people working in all the shops and activity centres. For those that haven’t been, it comes across like a ski resort but is equally busy in both winter and summer. The drive to the rafting start was sketchy, on a road that wasn't really wide enough for the bus. One turn it felt like we were at the end of The Italian Job. My rafting group ended up being 4 English people and 2 Hollandish people, it's like they put the Europeans together. It was the most fun rafting I’ve done. I was sitting at the front so was the first to get a face full of icy fresh water. My favorite part was going through a tunnel followed by a huge drop of rapids. A great rush and who doesn’t love getting sprayed in the face! After I returned to town I went and entered a poker tournament that I had heard about the day before. It was really good fun and the people playing were really cool. Unfortunately I didn’t come away with any money but I’m blaming that more on luck that skill, obviously.

Bring me ma babyback ribs

The weather on Wednesday was really average so I went and did some shopping. It was one of the most successful shopping trips I’ve been on. I found trousers that fit, not only did they fit but they are also stretchy so one can lunge in them. What an amazing pair of trousers, I fell in love. I also bought some boardies because I could. My back was hurting from driving Sinbad around so I decided that I would treat myself to a massage. Hector was so calm and quiet when he introduced himself to me. However, when that door was closed he was mean and aggressive and it hurt. But afterwards I felt a lot less tight. Fun fact about Hector, he was missing a toe on one foot. These are the exciting tidbits that you find out about someone when you are looking at their toes for half an hour. The best part about the day was my lunch, I was recommended a place called Flame for their ribs, duly eaten and thoroughly enjoyed. Probably the best ribs I’ve ever had, it’s like they were made my Carlsberg. Not a bad day!

My view from lunch

The next morning I wanted something to do that was a bit more chilled out. so had another chat with Hayley, very knowledgeable. She recommended a trip up the Skyline gondola and there was a beautiful view of Queenstown. I had a delicious buffet lunch with said view and headed back down the gondola after taking some tourist photos, and by that I mean photos of tourists taking photos! My favourite part was listening to 2 girls discuss their first world problems, they were definitely on their GAP yah. Quote of the day: “it’s not my fault that my daddy chooses to pay for my stuff”, boom! That was the whole conversation, I had to hold myself back from getting involved. I had a wander around town again and the frozen yoghurt shop I had walked past a couple of days before was actually open so I went in and made friends. I accidentally made friends with the owners because I thought this girl was chatting to someone whilst they took a piss. Fortunately she wasn’t, it was just the toilet and the kitchen were opposite each other, it was very funny but you had to be there. Coincidentally she was the owner and from near Oxford I think so we fell to talking. Always nice to make friends with people that sell food. In the evening I hung out at the campsite and made friends with a single mother from French Guyana, the child (aged 2.5) was adorable but just ran wild. I don’t know how she could travel for 3 months with a small child, I would probably have just put it up for adoption.

Thanksgiving Day Football

Friday was Thanksgiving in America due to time difference so I went back to the pub to watch the American football games. There turned out to be a lot of Americans from Seattle so I joined in with the excitement. For those that know my true allegience, I was quietly routing against the Seahawks because they ruined my dreams. After the game I left for Wanaka, where the adventure was just about to start…

Woodie’s Wisdom: Visit Queenstown!

This made me chuckle because
I'm a child

I'm off to Invercargill - The Best City in the Southern Most Part of South Island (apart from any that I've missed)

Baby seal eyeing me up

I booked myself a couple of days in Dunedin because I had heard that it was a nice place. The weather put a bit of a downer on things. Day 1 It was cold and windy but I decided that I wanted to go look at some animals, the couple the previous night had raved about it. The place was basically a farm that used their land to look at animals, if you pay extra you can watch them shear a sheep, probably not worth the $20. It was good fun, we used an off-road vehicle to travel off the road to locations that you can’t walk to. But we got up close to some seals, as in about 2 feet away from them. Fun fact about seals: they are not scared of humans, they roll over and look at you and then go back to sleep. It might be because they can kill us, who knows. Then we bounced along another rough path to see some penguins, some Yellow-Eyed Penguins, don’t let that suck you in, they have yellow eyelashes. But I did get a photo of a mother in a hole with its baby. On the way to this point you walk down a covered walkway and on the way back up you stop by a cubby hole in the wall and inside there is a baby Blue Penguin and it just chilled and smiled. Unfortunately we weren’t allowed to take photos, you will just have to imagine a smiling penguin. As the lucky last person in the line the guy showed me another cubby hole, so technically I got 2 for 1. Better than Tesco on Black Friday that deal.

If you look closely there is a Yellow Eyed Penguin there

Not an albatross

Only a bloody Royal Albatross

I had a nice sit on sofas in the cafe because it was warm and watched a storm roll on by. It was the most comfortable I had been in a while, Sinbad for all the great things doesn’t have a sofa. Next purchase right there! Once I got bored, I drove back down the hill to the Royal Albatross Centre. It sounds very impressive but it’s actually because the bird is called the Royal Albatross. I’m sure if I had paid all the money in the world to walk up and take a photo I would now remember why they are called Royal. I can’t even be bothered to googlify it and pretend. It’s a big ass bird that this place is the only mainland spot you can see them. After refusing to pay to go on a walk I sat outside and was insistent that I wasn’t going until I had a photo of an Albatross. It was bloody windy so I got a little cold, thanking the purchase of a wind-proof jacket for keeping me only cold rather than freezing. And just before I was about to give up hope, out popped Alby, only bloody named the bird. He flew around for about 20 mins so got lots of snaps, it’s a big white bird. Thank you Alby! I had a little drive round Dunedin and didn’t find a lot of interest but did find a surf beach, due to the strong ass wind it was entertaining to watch but no-one had the nuts to get in the sea. It was a nice place to eat my din dins though, a seagull came to join in the fun. 

Windy evening in Dunedin

Arriba 

The next day the weather was still shitty, worse even so I decided to cut my losses and move on but wait… I decided to make a detour first. This detour was to the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame, I was excited to see all the badasses of Kiwi sport in a museum. No, I went upstairs in a train station and there was 2 rooms. By this you can probably assume that there aren’t many people in the New Zealand Sports Hall of Fame. In all fairness I didn’t know who most of them were other than the rugby lot. It was an interesting way to spend half an hour. Followed by a hearty breakfast of churros I was on my way to Invercargill, the city that never wakes!

A journey through rain is never fun so I decided to make it a little more exciting and take the Southern Scenic Route, upon reflection there is a website and everything so if you ever get bored and need something to do… To make this even more exciting I decided that I was going to go off the beaten track, now that literally means off the beaten track. It was my first experience of a “rough road”. It’s like a sketch of the Mona Lisa, a bit half assed but you can tell what it is. I drove into a forest and was a little worried that Sinners was going to let me down in the middle of nowhere (in 90 minutes on this road I did no encounter another human), he didn’t. Go Sinbad!!

Not the beaten track

After this mini adventure I thought I could handle a bit more so went to popped down to visit a beach, it was raining so I left. Then the weather started to clear up and some waterfalls appeared on the helpful brown signs so thought I might as well. After all the rain that we had they were a lot less pretty and graceful waterfalls and more a raging torrent trying to fight over a cliff. Very impressive none-the-less with some pretty walkways through the trees. One of the waterfalls was so strong that even 10 metres away the camera was getting soaked through.

Raging torrent waterfall

Pretty and delicate waterfall

After this I ignored some signs so that I could plough on through to Invercargill, the excitement getting to me. After stopping in a small town called Fortrose to grab a beverage I tried to draw the owner of the only shop in 100km into a bit of a chat. I will go as far to say he is the least friendly person I’ve met, maybe even in the whole of New Zealand! But we will find out! After this small

Long and straight
(not terms used about me) 

town I found what felt like the longest road in the world, it was straight for about 10km then a bend then straight for another 5km, then a bend… you get the idea. AND this is part of the Southern Scenic Route. Then when I got to Invers, already chummy, I accidentally drove through the city centre and out the other side because I was expecting something a little more impressive. Upon finding my campsite I asked where was good to go on a Saturday night, expecting a list to choose from, I was given 2 bar/restaurants. It’s ok, I was still holding out hope that the southernmost city in NZ was going to come through for me. Whilst having my tea I watched Coronation Street with some Frenchies, it felt like watching Neighbours at home and I don’t do that, #rebel! Invers was shaping up nicely!

The Waipapa Point Lighthouse

Bottom of the world selfie

The next morning I wanted to visit the southern tip of the South Island and found that it was actually one of the brown signs I had ignored the day before. I weighed it up and thought, why not. As soon as I got onto the long stretch of straight roads I regretted my decision, I ignored the unfriendly man in Fortrose and powered through. I got to slope point, it just looks like a rocky cliff but I was there, took a selfie and left. One-upped the parents though as they weren’t allowed down, take that mum and dad! On my way back I stopped by (hour detour) Waipapa Point Lighthouse and got up close and personal with a Sea Lion, they big!

The sneer of derision

Now this is where shit got real, I arrived back into Invers at 1.45pm and the city was overflowing with people, cars everywhere and roads were closed off. It’s like they heard I was coming and had arranged for everyone in a 50km radius to come celebrate, COME ON INVERCARGILL!!!! After the initial excitement that everyone was waiting for me I did ask a nice friendly (not from Fortrose) man what was going on, acting cool and ready to be surprised it was for me. Unfortunately some guy was upstaging me, called Santa, what a dick! They were having a parade in his honour. In all fairness, I’m glad I stopped and watched, it was bloody impressive. I’m sure everyone in town was involved. It put a big smile on my face.

The guy that stole my thunder

Rocking the driving there boss

Shout out to Dave

I then left and made my way to Queenstown, it was a road through mountains with pretty views, yada yada, the usual stuff. Oh wait, apart from there were lakes! I was looking forward to a place that had people and stuff to do that didn’t involve going: “that’s a pretty view/animal/mountain”.

Woodie’s Wisdom: Firstly, don’t eat garlic and fish in the same meal, it’s disgusting. Secondly, don’t try and get close to a Sea Lion with disgusting breath, they get offended and breath on you and their breath is worse. Use this wisdom as you see fit.

Flying in unison

Dropping Knowledge and Keys (The Moeraki Adventure)

When I left Oamaru I decided to take my time a bit more and took the scenic route down the coast to Moeraki. On this mini adventure I stopped by the sea a few times, enjoying the views but not as much as if it hadn’t been raining for most of the day. 

The recovered keys

Nice Chinese man

When I got to Moeraki I decided to pop to the “town” for a bite to eat. Hmmmm, well I think calling it a hamlet would still be a generous term. There is only one commercial premises, it is also quite famous supposedly. Fleur’s is a fish restaurant and it was very popular, tour buses showing up for lunch and drinks. Unfortunately not my cup of tea so headed to the Moeraki Boulders Cafe for my lunch. I found a little gap in the rain to go down to the beach to look at some rocks. They were pretty impressive, for those that don’t know what they are, they are spherical boulders that are just chilling in the sea (as the photos suggest). I wanted to be cool so ran into the sea to get a selfie on a stone, go me. Further down the beach I wanted to get a photo of the boulders from the sea so gracefully hopped onto one and got a couple of snaps, for the purpose of the story I will admit they weren’t even that good. It was only when I got back to the top of the hill and went to get my car keys that I found they weren’t there. As you can imagine, I shat myself! Not literally fortunately but it wasn’t a good feeling. I checked to make sure Sinbad was still there, which he was. I knew when they had fallen out, it was when I jumped off the rock back onto beach, I held onto my phone and my wallet to stop them falling out but forgot about the key, whoops. I headed back to the beach with all my fingers crossed, looking at the water all the way along. When I got to the boulder I jumped off a nice Chinese guy came up to me asking if these were my keys. Not sure he was expecting the hug but he seemed to appreciate it. They thought it had been in the sea for weeks!

Rock selfie

Rocks in water

The things you find in Trotters Gorge

I decided to buy something to make my keys a little more noticeable, they now have a Kiwi attached to them, a metal keyring rather than the animal or human. I then carried on down the coast to Dunedin. I made a few stops on the way, one was a place called Trotters Gorge, even now it makes me laugh. It sounds dirty. So I popped down Trotters Gorge to find a dark cave, not the most impressive of things, I couldn’t even fit in it! But there was a lot of undergrowth to get lost in. 

After finding my way out of Trotters Gorge and back onto a smooth surface I happened upon my first NZ pig, they love bacon but you never see pigs. I will admit, my pig wasn't exactly frolicking in the mud but I’m counting it!

Excuse me, my pig appears to be empty

Then I made it to Dunedin, at about the moment I found my campsite on the Otago peninsular it started to rain. That was a theme of Dunedin. But after the day that I had I was ready to chill out. I met an English couple who were very English and liked to have a few drinks so I obliged and drank away the evening.

Woodie’s Wisdom: DO NOT drop the keys to all of your belongings and house in the sea, it could lead to a cold and wet few days. 

Beautiful path in Trotters Gorge

Out of Christchurch and into the Great Beyond

So the ball ache of getting a car is finally over, Sinbad and I are out of Christchurch. I appreciate the help that I got from Richard and Gary at the Backpackers Car Market, they were honestly the most helpful people. I feel like I’m part of the crew now, I met the families and everything!

Gary, myself and Richard (and Sinbad)

My first night in Sinbad

It took me another 2 days to get the car finally sorted, it got booked in for some work which couldn’t be completed straight away. Another day at the Backpackers Car Market, I’m pretty sure they thought I was there to chat, was productive because I got some cheap sushi and made some friends. The sellers accepted my offer so I was able to spend my first night in Sinbad, albeit behind the garage, so I didn’t have to pay for more hostel time. As you can tell from the photo, Sinbad and I are going to get close over the next few months. Lucky Sinbad!

As part of my waiting time I was able to drive to Akaroa, the only French settlement in New Zealand. It’s very pretty and does fish and chips. The drive is over and around some lovely scenery. I did it in my rental car but it did feel like I was nearly free. In the evening I met up with a friend I had met (note to mum: she was called Larissa, from Australia and a friend girl), we went to a really nice tapas bar and we wanted to sit outside but it was bloody windy so compromised and sat by a fire!!!!! We chatted about how shitty Christchurch is if you are on your own and I heard the best relationship ending story that I’ve ever heard, the kind of story that Jezza Kyle makes his living. Unfortunately I won’t be sharing it with you so speculate all you like, I promise you it’s worse. Unless Jamie is speculating and then it’s not that bad.

The next morning the car was fixed up and all mine, it was time to rock and roll. I have never driven with such determination, I refused to stop to get any necessities until I was well and truly clear of bloody Christchurch. I am cleansing myself of the negativity tonight and will be all positive tomorrow. I do know regret this having had to wait to get to a town that serves food at the time I’m driving through

After I was free and clear and wasn’t going to get sucked back in to the black hole I started getting scenic. In New Zealand they have brown signs for anything of cultural interest as well as scenic routes. My plan was to do them all, after stopping at 3 lumps of stone I decided that maybe I should only stop at the ones that look interesting. 

A monument rock

A rock next to an old house

I even saw one crossing but
a German man shooed it away

I ended up driving to a place called Oamaru because I saw a sign that said penguins and who can turn down a penguin. When I arrived at the penguin hut it was about 8pm so I assumed that I had missed the viewings so thought about staying the night to see them the next day. However the nice lady said the best time to see them was the evening and they have a special show. So I signed up for that, got myself booked into a campsite and then popped back. Unfortunately you weren’t allowed to take any photos so you just have to believe me when I say that they were cute. I made friends with a family from near Bath and we supported the plucky underdog or should I say underpenguin. There was a little chap who we aptly named “Hop-along” because he only had one leg, it took him about 20 times as long to climb up the rocks but we supported him all the way. For the animal lovers among you they were Blue Penguins.

My morning view in Oamaru (it rhymes)

The penguin colony people said to check under your car before you leave because penguins think they are safe. At first I thought they were pulling my little stubby leg but on arriving back to the campsite, there were 3 penguins wandering around. And my little chums, I do have a photo (kind of) of that one. 

It's only a bloody penguin, apologies for the quality but it was pitch dark (thank you camera)

As my first official night in Sinbad I took the required snap of the car in his resting place but it doesn’t quite have the gravitas I was hoping for. I opened my sunroof and looked at the stars, it was such a relief after what had started to become a tedious time in Chch (when I read it I do just say chch).

Sinbad in his first spot, he hasn't broken down yet

Woodie's Wisdom: check out my Instagram to get the latest and vaguely up to date photos of my excitement (can someone explain this to mum). My handle is aptly named, woodieswidsom, enjoy!

Interesting Chch statue

Christchurch - The Most Unusual of Cities (Part 2)

So at the end of the last post I had just had a busy few days with some lovely young ladies. That wasn't exactly a precursor of what was to come, more like a high before the low.

Christchurch is a lovely place, it's just not the place you want to end up in for 10 days on your own. I have really been trying to drag out the last few days.

Skating Kiwi style

The next morning I woke up to rain and wind so decided to do a few menial tasks, bank account was set up, some food bought. Then came my first cinema trip in New Zealand, I'd forgotten how expensive it was to go to the cinema! After taking out a mortgage I saw Interstellar which was pretty stellar until the 5th dimension, then it went to far, literally, or figuratively depending on where the 5th dimension is.... I have now confused myself. I then went to a skatepark and made friends with some of the local youths. I have just impressed myself with how boring that sounds, don't worry, it was worse to live it. 

The next day I went to find a car to buy, fortunately I was able to find the car/van/mobile home of my dreams, mainly because it is called Sinbad. Unfortunately however, the next day was a public holiday followed by the weekend so I wasn't able to get a Warrant of Fitness until Monday at the earliest. So another weekend in Christchurch for me.

rush hour in New Zealand

With this in mind I booked an adventure, a whale watching tour in Kaikoura! They didn't lie, we saw 1 whale and not a lot of it at that. One thing I learned about Sperm Whales is that they only show about 5% of their body above water, not the most exciting for spotting. Fortunately there were many other things that I saw, like a shag and some tits. They were little birds, when the photos go up someone can tell me what they really were. I also saw my first albatross, not as exciting as seeing my first whale though. My favourite part was when I wandered onto a beach covered in seals! Including a baby seal in a tree, it looked like a leopard chilling.

It's a whale, promise

A seal in a tree, why not!

There were some awesome views, a few of which are below, feel free to go ooo and aaaaah.

ooooooo

aaaaaahhh

artyyyyyyyy

I met the Big Bang Theory cast. Listened to a guy have a conversation, trying to work out what it's about, someone bought something online without permission and now regrets it. His friend found out that his child wasn't his after 18 years, just taking his money. The things you learn listening to a phone conversation. He is divorced, on the phone to new girlfriend. Brought children on holiday. They brought their own money, the mum didn't give them any. Going on a trip and the kids won't appreciate the views. He's also mean to sheep, hooting at them in the car to make them run away. He's Australian and is doing a long distance relationship.

A traditional Greek dish in NZ,
shout out to Sivota!

On one of my adventures to the RE:Start Mall I was having lunch with a mother and daughter, feeding the little birdies as you do. The people reading this that want a bit more smut are going to be disappointed because it’s nothing exciting. A lady was walking along and didn’t even break stride but stooped down to pick up a hair tie and pocketed it then carried on walking. We all looked at each other in amazement! Who does that?

Looking down on Christchurch

On what I hoped was my last full day in 
Christchurch I met up with a friend from camp, Abbie. She grew up in Chch (down with the local lingo because it’s a bugger to keep writing out. She took me on a tour and I got to see all the things that I would never have found. We had lunch on a beach, went up a hill and visited Taylor’s Mistake, a place when an Englishman made an error in mapping. I believe this to be a Maori myth because Englishmen do not make mistakes! It was awesome catching up with her and the gossip from the last 5 years. Basically what we learnt is that we are getting old! After the excitement of the day I popped along to a special windsurf beach, for those that have been it is a better version of Poole Harbour. There were a lot of kitesurfers out so snapped some snaps.

A memorial in Chch

This is kitesurfing btw

The next morning I was really excited about grabbing Sinbad and getting on our way. Unfortunately not only was the car in need of some work but the current owners hadn’t accepted my offer. So I spent a day in the Backpackers Car Market, it was very pleasant and met lots of people. If you ever have a day to kill that’s the place to go, lovely people and entertainment in the bucket load. I had to extend my hostel and my car but ended up sharing a room for the first time. It is like an episode of Faulty Towers! Two French guys called Jeff and Charlie, obviously, a quiet and efficient German, let’s call him Hans. A Kiwi called Marv who got kicked out of his house in Auckland and moved down to stay with his friend in Chch who then also got kicked out so is now staying in a hostel and trying to find a job. The last guy showed up at 11pm in fishing gear so god only knows.

Tomorrow I’m going back to the Car Market with my fingers and toes crossed that I have a car, I really hope that I get out of this place and that there isn't a Christchurch part 3. Then my stories can get more exciting.

Wisdom: Don’t stay in Christchurch for longer than a couple of days, that’s all.

New Zealand road sign